Wet
by Osa P
Summary: I'm high. the end. oh wait, this is kuwabaraxyusuke all over. and this is stupid. gimme a mountain dew.


Yusuke Urameshi had just had the worst fucking day of his life. Literally the worst. Fighting terrible beast he could handle. Destroying demons and their viscous little minions, no big deal. Spending an entire day sucking up to the boss and being stuck with endless piles of paper work from his so-called highbrow workmates made him want to kill innocent people. Yusuke doesn't kill innocent people. Understand the problem? Good, moving on.   
  
He ran a hand through his mussed hair causing it to become more of a mess than it already was. 'Why did I stop gelling my hair again? Oh yeah, cause Kuwa said it would attract the ladies.' He unlocked and opened the door to his apartment, getting his briefcase stuck in the door on the way in. He growled and ripped the poor helpless piece of leather out of the door jam and slammed it on the ground. Poor little briefcase. I hope it goes to one of those self-help meetings or something.   
  
'At this point the only girl I can stand is Genkai and she's an old hag. An old hag that can beat the shit out of me, but still and old hag.' He slouched into his small living room area and glanced around. 'Hm. Where's Kuwa?'  
  
"Kuwabara?", no answer. "Kuwabara?" Odd. Very odd. Where was the beloved sidekick to half-demon Yusuke? Yusuke searched the bedroom, the bathroom, the kitchen, the balcony (which is actually a very tiny window ledge with a potted plant and a Mark Cuban bobble-head), and that random closet in the hallway that contains nothing and has no actual purpose. Still no Kuwabara.   
  
Yusuke was more than a little worried. He was a little bewildered. The goofy redhead was always home before he was, reading, or playing with his cat, or fixing a meal or something. He'd wanted to go to college to better himself but only had enough money to attend, leaving him without a place to stay. Yusuke, being the giving friend he is got a day job and bought an apartment so that his best buddy could go edumacate himself. Yes, that's right. Edumacate. His edumacting friend even got a job as a professor's assistant to help pay those hefty apartment bills. Even so, Kuwa always arrived home before Yusuke did. Always. So where the fuck was he?!  
  
Being the still growing demon that he was and due to small contributing factor that he became insatiably hungry when worried or dismayed, Yusuke walked into the kitchen to open the refrigerator. In the process of doing so, however, he noticed a large piece of poster board duck taped to the front of the icebox. It was yellow. It had words on it. The words were purple. Purple is the complimentary color of yellow. Whoever wrote these words has a good understanding of visual art. Go them.  
  
Yusuke read the note and then read it again. He read it again. Kuwabara was where?! With the Tuguro's cousins?! Yusuke was more than a little bewildered. Yusuke was a little frightened.  
  
****************************  
  
It's dark. It's really uber dark. Like so Goth it can't even be called 'goth' anymore. More like uber Neo-Goth. Yeah, Neo-goth. Someone turn on a flashlight. Oh wait, it's dark because he's blindfolded. Yap. Kuwabara's blindfolded. The poor boy just woke up to be sightless, tied up, and there was something wet near his left ear. God, he hoped that was blood. He could handle blood. Snot too. Maybe even a well-aimed lugi. Anything else was just disgusting.   
  
'Urrrrrggggg....why am I tied up? Matter of fact, where am I? Am I in hell? I must be in hell, 'cause only hell would have blindfolded me and but something wet near my ear. Grosss....I really hope that's blood. Or snot. Or maybe a well aimed lugi. Yusuke spits well aimed lugi's.....'  
  
The redheaded captive was more than a little groggy. He was a little drugged. And he really wanted to take of the blindfold so he could escape the horrors of the 'wet stuff by his ear'. He needed some help.   
  
"Huahahahahahahaa...*hack* ah, Christ. Can't even get that evil laugh down. Damn cold."  
  
"Huh?", Kuwa intelligently asked.  
  
"Ah, Kazuma Kuwabara. You've awakened. How splendid."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're awake, dumbass and I have you held captive here in my uber secret layer and you're eventually going to be tortured until your impromptu savior shows up to try and liberate you before I kill him. Understand?"  
  
"Um....yeah, sure.... Will there be a pop quiz after this?"  
  
"No, just.....Just go back to sleep."  
  
"Ok, but what's this wet stuff by my ear?"  
  
"Oh. THAT wet stuff. Huahahahahaha-*hack hack*. dammit."  
  
****************************  
  
Yusuke was having an even worse day now. His best friend was missing. Well, not really missing, but still gone. The evil dude had left a really visible trail to where his hideout was located. The only way the lair would have been more obvious would have been if he'd not scratched out the name on the Chinese restaurant menu.   
  
Little half-demon boy wasn't worried about where carrot-top was; he was worried about who he was with. A few years prior he'd lost said captured best friend to the Tugoro brothers. Now to have him captured by Tugoro's cousin. Who knows what pain he could be going through. Mulling these thoughts around in his brain more caused the bile of bravery to rise up in his throat and he charged out of his apartment, still in his suit and tie, and down and around the corner to Hilltop Chinese a.k.a Da Evol Lair.   
  
He broke into DEL, bile still thick in his throat and shouted, "Where the fuck is my best friend?!"  
  
All of the poor Asian people working in the back wet their fluffy Wufei-like pants and ran. They didn't have to run 'cause the could all probably kick some serious ass, but this is a crappy plot device for an even crappier fic, so they ran. In their place, five hot demons appeared all dressed in power ranger colors.  
  
"Prepare yourself young Yusuke, and we don't mean with lube", said the red one. And the red one was definitely gay. It just seemed to radiate off of him. The green one, though, he was like normal n' stuff. The other three seemed to be really vacant, therefore unimportant.  
  
"Bring it, you power ranger rejects!" Yusuke let loose his battle cry and began to kick some skittle colored ass.  
  
************************  
  
"Yesss.....Yesssssssss.......That's right.......Scream!!", cackled Tuguro's cousin.  
  
"Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! Get the wetness away!!! At least tell me what it is!!" Kuwabara squirmed in his bindings quite afraid of the wet randomness near his poor delicate ears.  
  
"No one can save you now, little Scottish boy. No one. Not even your high and mighty lover Yusuke Urameshi!"  
  
Kuwabara paused in his writhing to think about what T's cousin just said. "Wait, he's my what?"  
  
"Ah shit.....Gave it away didn't I? Dammit. Well come on! You've gotta admit it was obvious! I mean, who wouldn't think you two were shacking up?"  
  
"Yeah...okay.....fucking weirdo....." And, back to scooting away from wet substances.  
  
Tuguro's cousin sighed. It wasn't easy being evol. It really wasn't easy being the cousin of serious major evol. There was Tuguro and his brother and they were all scary and shit. But a cousin? Even a pet cat was more menacing than that. Sigh, twas hard being the vengeful cousin.  
  
Bam! The door to the main stay of DEL burst open and in stomped Yusuke. He was more than a little frightened. He was a little enraged.  
  
"Get Kuwabara away from that fucking stuff!", shouted little enraged Yusuke.  
  
Tuguro's cousin just rolled his eyes and said, "Look, I'm the evil villain. It's not my job to accommodate to your foolish half-human wishes, understand? I'm gonna leave him in that shit till I defeat you at which point I will engage in shameless butt-rape with the poor soul! Muahahahahaahaha *hack* dammmit... knew I should've gotten that flu shot....."  
  
"I have shit next to my ear?!?!",cried Kuwabara, his voice going up several octaves.  
  
Yusuke looked at TC incredulously. But then he got angry. He was more than a little enraged. He was a little whoop-assy.   
  
Before TC could even blink Yusuke had him by the throat and was slowly crushing the demons windpipe. Really slowly too. It had to be like super painful cause if you go that slow the pain goes on for a while. Tugoro's cousin gasped and hacked and gasped and hacked some more. Yusuke threw his body against the wall and waited for the disease-ridden demon to get up. Sure, he wanted to kill him, but he had that whole honor thing where you've got to give the other guy a chance and all that.   
  
TC stood and got into his battle stance, which looked like a mixture between a bat diving at a moth and a giraffe taking a crap. All in all very menacing. He lunged at Yusuke ready to deliver a crushing blow. However, Yusuke dodged just in time and backslapped the ho like his momma never did. TC flew face first into another wall. He slid down to the floor quite a bit groggy.   
  
Our young hero smirked, sensing his victory was near. Well it was until TC like used some random hidden power of his to send a big old ball of energy towards Kuwabara's helpless form. Yusuke nearly peed himself running to save his best buddy and cohort. He threw his toned, hot, Asian body in front of the blast and took it in place of the redhead.   
  
TC smirked sensing his victory was near. Well it wasn't. It wasn't at all, cause Yusuke didn't even feel the blast. He just shrugged it off and approached TC with that menacing glare he does so well. And then Yusuke just used his spirit gun to blast a hole the size of Guatemala in Tuguro's cousin's stomach. Ouch, ne? Oddly enough, though, it wasn't the blast that killed him. It was the fact that he hadn't gotten his flu shot like he was supposed to. He had a serious viral infection folks. Like he was gonna die whether or not Yusuke had destroyed his intestinal tract. So remember kids, get your flu shots as early as possible to prevent you from getting a hole shot through your stomach.   
  
With evil bad guy dude effectively disposed of, Yusuke flew to his friend's side and took of the ever-annoying blindfold. Kuwabara's bright blue eyes stared up innocently into his own chocolate brown and they remained that way for a few precious moments.   
  
"Urameshi....no...Yusuke. You saved me from one of the greatest horrors in my lifetime. You saved me from the wetness. I ...I..."  
  
"Shhh. Kuwa, it's ok. I'm always here for you, you know that."  
  
"Yes I do know. And I know that being stuck here fearing the evil wetness for these past few hours has opened up my eyes." Kuwabara took a deep breath and let his heart out.(not literally, but figuratively mind you.) "Yusuke, I- I love you."  
  
Yusuke's eyes widened and he gasped as Kuwabara leaned forward and kissed him full on the lips. He was more than a little whoop-assy. He was a little surprised. He was more than a little surprised. He was a little happy. He closed his eyes and began to move his lips against his new loves eagerly. When they broke apart they were both breathing a little raggedly.  
  
"Kuwa? I love you too." Customary hug. Well actually, not a customary hug, because Kuwabara couldn't hug since Yusuke never did untie him. Just removed that blindfold.....little bastard! Untie him!!  
  
A mischievous gleam entered Yusuke's eyes. He hefted up his redhead love into his arms and looked down at him. "Come, my love, let us consummate this relationship."  
  
Innocent Kuwa blushed. "But, I'm still tied up."  
  
"Exactly."   
  
Yusuke was more than a little happy. Yusuke was a little horny.  
  
~*~*~The End~*~*~  
  
soo......what d'yall think???? all those month's of writer's block for this shit. I must say, though, i'm proud....yes.....FUCK MONKEY"S!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kazima: what was the wet stuff next to Kuwa's ears????  
  
hmmmm...that will be explained sometime next week. in the sequel to this crap.  
  
Kazima: yay! ^_^  
  
now, off to florida!!!! AWAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


End file.
